As Night Follows Day
by Annisoptera
Summary: Gary must remain one step ahead at all times, or Ash will not chase him. BL


He is in tears.

"_Gary? Why are you crying, Gary?"_

It's his earliest memory. He could not have been older than three, and he can't recall what it was that had upset him, but he remembers feeling lonely.

"_Hey. It's all right. Don't cry anymore, okay?"_

Small hands cup the wet sides of his face, and he is coerced back to his feet.

"_You don't have to cry anymore, because from now on, I'll go wherever you go." _Said with a grin that could have split the boy's face in two.

_And Gary stopped crying._

He thinks of it as the day they met, despite that they have actually known each other since infancy. He isn't sure if only he remembers it, or if Ash can too. He's never found the courage to ask.

* * *

He is five years old. Delia has given them popsicles, which they are eating by the creek with their bare feet in the cool water. Pallet Town has hot summers, but they are green and beautiful, all the same. The sound of a splash cuts the silence.

"Look, Gary!" Ash cries. "A Goldeen! A Goldeen just jumped! Did you see it?"

It is the first wild Pokémon they ever see.

* * *

He is playing together with Ash in his grandfather's laboratory. Gary watches from the sidelines as Ash splashes his hand in the water tank out back, trying to provoke the Pokémon inside.

"They're like the Goldeen from the creek," he observes. "We should put them together so they can play."

Professor Oak smiles. "We can't do that," he explains gently. "The Pokémon living in the creek are wild; those there belong to a Trainer."

"What's a Trainer?" Ash asks him. Professor Oak talks about how people sometimes go on journeys, collecting Pokémon and raising them for battles.

"They fight?" Gary asks, wrinkling his nose. "That sounds bad."

"It's all in friendly sport," Professor Oak says dismissively. Gary is unimpressed, but Ash is captivated.

"Can I be a Pokémon Trainer?"

"Someday, of course," Oak chuckles. "When you're old enough to leave home, come and see me, and I'll be happy to get you started."

His face lights up as though he's just been handed the world. He beams at Gary.

"Gary! Let's be Pokémon Trainers together!"

Gary smiles.

"Okay."

* * *

He is six, and Ash has just turned five. They are pushing one another down grassy slopes on broken wooden boards. They are going to the movies, where Ash is laughing hard, and Gary emerges in tears.

They are the best of friends.

* * *

He is celebrating his seventh birthday. Ash has given him his treasured Clefairy doll as a present; Gary thanks him.

"After supper, let's go to your house," Ash suggests. "Can I spend the night tonight?"

Gary considers it. "Let's stay at your house tonight," he says instead. Their sleepovers used to be fun. Lately, they have begun to drag: Ash spends more time asking Professor Oak about Pokémon training than he does talking to Gary, and Gary waits to be noticed. He feels strangely lonesome.

They go to Ash's room, which is littered with Pokémon paraphernalia.

"I like your alarm clock," Gary comments. Ash smiles.

"Thanks!" he says, holding it out for Gary's benefit. "It's Voltorb, see? My mom bought it for me."

Gary searches his mind for the right information.

"Voltorb is an Electric-type," he says. "They can use Explosion. It's a powerful attack, but it'll knock out your own Pokémon, too."

Ash stares for a moment, then grins.

"Really? Neat," he says. "You're so cool, Gary. You know a lot about Pokémon."

Gary has already found that Ash is impressed with his knowledge, so he spouts out facts whenever the opportunity arises. When Ash asks him a question he doesn't know the answer to, he will go home and look it up.

Ash loves Pokémon; as a result, Gary loves them, too.

* * *

He is nine years old, and he is annoyed. He can't impress Ash so easily anymore. Ash is looking up the answers to his own questions, rather than coming to Gary, and he would rather stay inside and watch League battles on TV than play together outdoors.

Ash is not focused on being friends with Gary; he is focused on becoming a Trainer.

"Can you believe it's only two more years before I get to start training Pokémon?" Ash asks him, throwing his fists into the air energetically. "I can't wait. I hope I don't die from excitement before the time comes."

Gary grunts, lacking enthusiasm.

He is yet to leave home.

"Why didn't you go?" Ash asks him. "You're ten. You can apply for a license now."

They were supposed to leave together. Had Ash forgotten?

"I want to wait a year," he says instead, biting back his bitterness. "I'm going to keep studying, so I'll be more prepared. Not that someone as reckless as _you_ would understand."

The insult bounces off Ash's head as he shrugs and walks away.

* * *

He is making his irritation apparent. His attitude becomes condescending. He insinuates that he will surpass Ash as a Trainer. He shows him up, angers him, puts him down. Gary is issuing a challenge. Ash is accepting it.

Gary knows that if he becomes the stronger one, Ash will have no choice but to notice him.

* * *

He is departing today. He's been waiting in his grandfather's laboratory. Ash has not yet arrived, and Gary wonders impatiently when he'll appear, hoping secretly for some kind of goodbye. Once, he had imagined that they would travel together; now, the notion seems far-fetched. He holds one Poké Ball in a shaking hand, shiny and new, and the useless, rusting half of another stowed away in his pocket.

Feeling particularly irritable, he gives up and goes outside where friends and family are waiting to see him off, just in time for a frazzled Ash to collide with him.

"That hurt!" he snaps. He's in no mood.

Ash is a mess, and all the Pokémon are already gone, and today is the day they go their separate ways… so how can he still look so _happy_? It only infuriates Gary more.

Make a scene. Be obnoxious. Piss him off.

He takes off, leaving his newly-dubbed rival only with snide remarks. There is no "good luck," no "farewell," no "see you in the finals, buddy."

Gary doesn't care. He doesn't.

* * *

He is meeting the girls in the next town.

They're a fan club of sorts, attracted to the prestige of the Oak family name and each likely interested in marrying Gary—and his inheritance—once he comes of age. The adults all think there's something cute about grown women waving pom-poms in support of an eleven-year-old boy and following him around like groupies.

They are shallow and they sometimes overdo it, but Gary can't complain, because he too is guilty of these things, from time to time. He _likes_ to show off. He's worked hard to come this far, after all.

He appreciates the girls' support, so he sees no reason to be unkind to them. He pays for their hotel room in each town, and once he's won the gym battle, they drive off in their little red car to meet him again later. When he's too tired to rough it, they offer him a ride; it's lonely and exhausting to travel by oneself, after all.

The girls are all right. If nothing else, they're good for making Ash jealous.

* * *

He is feeling faint from a severe lack of sleep, but rest isn't an option. Not yet.

"Good, Squirtle. Just like that," he huffs. "One more time—Water Gun!"

Squirtle is looking at him with concerned eyes, and its own fatigue is apparent. It groans in protest, but Gary remains firm; he refuses to fall behind. Squirtle watches him for a moment longer, then turns back towards its target, puffs its chest, and fires a frighteningly powerful jet of water. Gary smiles a bit, pleased with the progress.

"Again," he orders, trying to ignore the way his vision is blurring.

Obediently, Squirtle inhales and fires again. Gary almost feels sorry for it, but he knows better. He'll never train it properly by spoiling it.

As Squirtle prepares another Water Gun, its legs begin to wobble, and Gary knows he can't push it any harder tonight. _That's more than enough_, the voice of reason scolds him from the back of his mind.

"That's good, Squirtle," he says quietly, kneeling down and patting its head. "You've worked very hard. Thank you."

His exhausted Pokémon offers up the most enthusiastic grin it can muster, and Gary knows he can count on it. It doesn't matter how many more sleepless nights it takes—no matter what, they have to become stronger.

* * *

He is waiting in the Pokémon Center's lobby as Nurse Joy tends to his Pokémon. The girls are huddled together, talking and giggling with one another. He idly thumbs through his Pokédex as he waits.

Another Trainer struts in—an older man, with broad shoulders and bright blue eyes—and picks up six Poké Balls from a Chansey at the counter. Gary eyes him for a moment, then returns to his studying. He feels the man's gaze on him, but tries to ignore it.

"You're from Pallet Town, right?" the man asks. Gary doesn't lift his head.

"You can tell?"

"That Pokédex. It's the Oak model, right?"

"You're observant," he compliments dryly, at last raising his eyes to meet the stranger's. He is smiling.

"May I see?" he asks. Gary tosses the Pokédex in his direction.

"Knock yourself out."

The man whistles loudly as he flips through the entries.

"Not bad, kid. You're pretty ahead of the game… Gary, is it?"

"Yeah. Thanks, I guess."

"I met another one, before. One of you Pallet kids. He had spirit, but not your talent."

Gary wonders if he's talking about who he thinks. The man leans over and, unexpectedly, tucks the Pokédex into Gary's pocket for him, smiling enigmatically.

"I hope to see you on the battlefield one day, Gary of Pallet Town," he whispers, and a shudder shoots through his body. With that, the stranger leaves, smiling wryly and leaving Gary to wonder why his heart is pounding.

The girls, he realizes, have fallen deathly silent. He looks at them; they're all scrunched together, staring as a single creature.

"What's wrong?"

They glance uneasily at one another, until one of them at last speaks up.

"Gary…" she mumbles, "you should be more careful about people like that."

He frowns. "What are you getting at?"

"It's just… there are some weirdos out there, you know? And they're pretty quick to prey on good-looking young boys, like you."

He bites down on his lip.

"If you're going to talk to me like I'm a kid," he says at last, "you can find yourself a new Trainer to follow around."

They mumble an apology, and that's that. He runs his thumb over the Pokédex in his pocket, trying to decide why his face is burning, or why her comments have left him feeling so annoyed.

* * *

He is wondering how long it's been since his travels began. A year? Longer? It's all beginning to run together. He has crossed paths with Ash a handful of times; Gary always reminds Ash that he is the stronger one, doing his best to get a rise out of him, and Ash always flails his arms in fury and vows to beat him. It's always, always the same.

He must remain one step ahead at all times, or Ash will not chase him.

* * *

He is in pain. He can't remember every detail, but he remembers the dark arena. He remembers that shady man. He remembers the monster.

He remembers failing.

His head is fuzzy, so he isn't sure whose arm is wrapped around his shoulders, but the voice calling his name is familiar.

* * *

He is embarrassed. That woman wiped the floor of the Indigo Plateau with him before the fourth round even began, and Ash was there to see it happen. He coerces the wailing girls into the car and tries to escape before he has to look him in the face.

No good. Ash is running out to the parking lot, chasing after him.

He puts on a blasé demeanor and offers up a couple of halfhearted excuses, his eyes anywhere but met with his rival's; he waits, but it seems that Ash has not come to rub his nose in the loss. For that, Gary is grateful.

He can think of nothing but how he still isn't good enough. He has to become stronger. He has to.

He climbs into the car and says goodbye.

* * *

He is afraid of the strange thoughts he's been having. Thoughts like those of the blue-eyed man from the Pokémon Center. He has tried to ignore them, to remain focused on his goal, but ever since his arrival in Johto, they've haunted him at night.

The girls called him at the last Pokémon Center to ask him to stay in their hotel room, an invitation he has wearily accepted. On his way to meet them, he passes an intriguing building. In the last town, he passed one like it, and another in the town before. He stares for a moment, then walks on.

The girls greet him warmly. They press him for stories about his adventures and offer him tea. They are very kind, but very noisy, and Gary can't expel the building from his mind.

He at last elects, perhaps for the first time consciously, to do something stupid. He removes all six of his Poké Balls and sets them on the bed.

"I'm going out for a while," he announces. "Would you ladies like to watch my Pokémon while I'm gone?"

They squeal with excitement, and Eevee, Wartortle and Arcanine burst forth, followed by Doduo and Nidoqueen and Horsea, and the room is filled with zealous proclamations of how cute they are. The Pokémon revel in the attention, and Gary slips out, unnoticed.

…Almost unnoticed. A tug at the leg of his pants stops him, and he looks down at Eevee, the fabric clutched in its mouth. Its eyes are sad.

"I won't be gone long," Gary assures it. "You'd be bored if you came with me, so just wait here with the girls. Have some fun, okay?"

It stares for a moment longer, then lets go. Gary shuts the door behind him, feeling guilty. The truth is that he's too embarrassed to allow his Pokémon to see what he's going to do.

He approaches the building, bursting from the inside with bright colors and loud music, hesitates, then shuffles inside. He looks around, wondering what to do. Men are dancing with one another. Maybe he's made a mistake.

"Hey there. You're a new face."

The voice startles him. He looks to the bar where a tall, older boy with a turquoise ponytail and orange-tinted sunglasses is beckoning him. He is good-looking. Gary approaches him cautiously.

"It's okay," the boy says, grinning. "I don't bite. How old are you, handsome?"

"Thirteen," Gary deadpans, uncomfortable. "How old are _you_?"

"Fifteen," Boy replies, "but hush, hush—that's not what this says." He brandishes his fake ID flirtatiously. Gary is still watching him with uncertainty.

"Have a seat," he offers, patting an empty barstool. "I'll buy you a drink."

* * *

He is staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, and his head throbs as he slowly wakes. He remembers, but barely; the details have drowned somewhere in the alcohol sloshing about in his brain. He groans.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

Gary glances at the boy, who grins.

"I have to go," he mumbles. He feels stupid, embarrassed, and he is guilty to have left his Pokémon and the girls to worry for so long.

"Have it your way," the boy shrugs. "Just don't kill yourself over it. Everyone's first time is a little awkward."

Gary doesn't want to talk about it.

"Your clothes are over there," Boy continues, pointing. "Oh. And I think this is yours." Gary's eyes widen as something is dangled over his head: the decrepit red half of a broken Poké Ball. He snatches it away, suddenly wide awake.

"Woah, chill!" the boy defends himself, raising his hands protectively in front of his still-bare chest. "It fell out into the sheets last night. I just took it so you wouldn't roll over and break it in your sleep."

Gary scowls at him wordlessly, clutching the rusted piece in his fist. The boy's grin turns knowing.

"I get it," he smirks. "A trinket from some long-lost lover, right?"

Smoldering, Gary dresses himself and slips the fragment into his pants pocket, still silent. The boy's smug expression persists as he watches him.

"My name is Jared, by the way. Not Ash."

Gary's heart stops, and he feels his ears burn. Had he actually…?

"But I guess it's my fault for not telling you my name in the first place," Jared teases. "Anyway, we should do this again sometime."

Gary smoothes out his hair with his fingers, doing his best to keep his cool. "I don't think so."

"Hm. I figured as much," Jared returns. He slides out of the bed and presses a slip of paper into Gary's hand.

"My number," he supplies. "Just in case you change your mind."

Gary slams the door behind him. To his embarrassment, he finds that he has emerged from a room of the same hotel in which the girls and his Pokémon are staying. He presses his palms to his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to regain his composure.

A light mewling captures his attention, and he looks down the hallway at Eevee. His stomach flips. How much had it seen? Had it spent the night outside the door? Gary suddenly feels like dying. He kneels down in front of it, and it leaps into his arms, just happy to see its Trainer.

"Sorry, Eevee," he breathes, squeezing it. "I'm sorry."

* * *

He is sitting on the edge of a creek, his eyes fixed on the glow of the moon. He has made it to the Silver Conference, and so has Ash. He wonders what that means for the two of them.

Something about this place feels… final.

Without warning, Ash appears beside him, Pikachu in tow; he, apparently, is also unable to sleep. He sits. They talk. Gary is reminded of the nights in Pallet they spent together this way, near a creek like this one, talking casually as they are now, and he suddenly finds himself burning for those days. He glances at Ash, who looks remarkable in the moonlight. The moment is beautiful, and he elects to savor it.

Gary is thinking about the past, the present, and the future. He wonders if he has grown, and if so, hopes that Ash has noticed it. He thinks of Jared, and all the others like him, and wonders if Ash would be ashamed of him if he knew. He tries to decide whether or not he's truly happy on the path he's currently following. He thinks of the reason he decided to become a Trainer—the reason that is sitting beside him right now—and thinks that if he fails here, perhaps, it will all have been for nothing. These thoughts aren't unusual for him; what's strange is that he is sharing them with someone else. With Ash.

Ash is giving him an odd look. "Are you okay?" he asks him. "I mean, why are you thinking about all this stuff?" Gary realizes that if he doesn't stop talking, he may disclose too much. As quickly as he opened it, he closes his heart again.

* * *

He is staring Ash down from the opposite end of the field. His heart pounds violently, and he is running on little sleep, but he maintains a composed and focused façade.

Ash looks older. Stronger. He has changed since Gary last saw him.

Stay cool. Concentrate.

It's down to Charizard and Blastoise. Gary holds the type advantage, but he will not underestimate his opponent.

Think. Focus. Win. Lose the battle, and lose him forever.

* * *

He is defeated. It's over, now.

When he glimpses Ash smile and laugh and dance around in elation, it doesn't hurt as badly as he imagined it would. Perhaps a part of him knew all along that things would turn out this way.

Walk away. Don't let him see the look on your face.

* * *

He is pressing the Poké Ball fragment into Ash's hand. He will accept what he cannot change. He will no longer try in vain to force Ash to see him; it's impossible now, because he's been surpassed. _It's over_, he tells himself, guiding Ash's fingers closed around the worthless trinket. _It's over. Let him go._ He will try to be more honest with himself, will pursue the goals he truly wants to pursue, and he will put an end to his infringement upon Ash's ambitions, his adventures, and his life.

This is Ash's dream. It has nothing to do with Gary.

* * *

He is tired and he is restless all at once. He has come home to Pallet Town at long last, and already, he's itching to leave.

Ash will be back soon. He doesn't want to face him.

"_I've decided to become a researcher,"_ he has announced. _"This will be my last competition."_ Say it with a smile.

He'll be better off. They'll both be better off; they can focus on their own dreams and stop trying merely to crush one another's, can stop competing. It's childish of Gary to use such a method to cry for Ash's attention, after all.

They'll both be happier.

"Hey!"

Ash has chased him down; he has failed to escape, but is not unhappy to see him. Gary puts on a smile and greets him amicably. They talk. Gary is going away to Hoenn. Ash should stay home and decide what he wants to do next.

"Gary."

Ash has something for him. He breaks the useless old Poké Ball in two, returning the red half to Gary and keeping the white for himself. Gary hesitates only briefly before he accepts it. It's a gesture that can mean any number of things—nostalgia, respect, friendship, the future. It makes no difference, because it all boils down to the same message:

"_You still matter."_

* * *

He is eavesdropping. It's his first day on the job, and his ears are burning.

"Did he even go to school? How did he get onto this research team?"

"'Field experience,' they say. It sounds like bullshit to me."

"What a jerk. Does he really think he can do whatever he wants because his grandfather is Professor Oak?"

He sighs and goes back to work.

* * *

He is frozen by the sound of a voice he knows.

"Gary? Is that you?"

A young man runs to catch up to him, his white lab coat billowing behind him and his orange visor glinting in the sun.

"It _is _you! Hey, man! How long's it been?"

Gary coughs. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?" Pretend not to remember.

"Ahh, don't play," laughs Jared, punching him playfully in the arm. "How have you been? I've been hoping I'd get to see you again."

Gary tries to ignore him.

"What? A single one-night stand over a year ago, and even _now _I get the cold shoulder? You're pretty cruel."

"Sorry," Gary mutters. "I'm busy right now."

Jared sighs. "Do you hate me that much?"

Gary keeps walking. He is chased.

"Look. I'll make it up to you. Let me take you out tonight," Jared presses. "And I don't mean like last time. I mean on a real date."

Gary stops, watching him suspiciously. He considers it. Could it hurt?

"One meal," he relents, waving his hand dismissively. "Someplace nice. And I don't like spicy food."

Jared smiles.

* * *

He is prodding at his dinner with a fork, only half-present in the conversation, the rest of his mind elsewhere.

"You're trying to break into the world of Pokémon sciences, then?" says Jared from across the table. Gary glances at him, then back down at his food.

"Yes," he replies simply.

"I guess I'm not surprised," says Jared. "If you're really Professor Oak's grandson, like you say, then you probably have a lot of connections, right?"

Gary shoots him a glare, then changes the subject.

"I didn't realize you were working with the same research team."

"Fate has a funny way with things like that, doesn't she?" Jared teases. "That means you and I are colleagues now, huh?"

"So it would seem."

Jared laughs. "But not really. I'm actually just an assistant."

Gary doesn't find it funny.

Jared watches him for a moment, then leans secretively forward.

"Listen. I'll tell you something interesting."

Gary looks up.

"It's tentative right now, but my friend Dora is doing some work on Sayda Island at the moment. She says they've found a fossilized Aerodactyl egg there."

Gary frowns. "An Aerodactyl egg?"

The corners of Jared's mouth turn upwards. "If you want," he says quietly, "I can get you in."

Gary's heart is thumping. He wants to see it.

"…On one condition," Jared adds, and Gary's insides flip.

"Condition?" he mumbles. Jared grins.

"A second date."

* * *

He is growing accustomed to life on Sayda Island. Dora will soon put him in charge of his own research team. The work has been rewarding, his peers have been encouraging, and he is learning quickly.

And Jared has, all things considered, been a good boyfriend.

They've told no one. Gary isn't sure what he's so ashamed of, but no matter how many times he calls his grandfather, he can't make the words come out.

"You're still carrying that thing?"

He looks to Jared, who has spotted him changing shirts in their dormitory room. He glances down at the Poké Ball fragment, which he has tied to a string and wears around his neck beneath his clothes. He knows he should stop, but he wears it anyway.

Jared flops down on the sofa. "When are you gonna tell me the story behind it?"

"There is no story."

Jared pouts. "Liar. You don't cling to a piece of junk like that if it doesn't have sentimental value."

Gary doesn't respond. He fumbles with the string, trying to separate it from the chain of his yin-yang pendant.

"Did somebody die or something?"

He pulls the clean shirt down over his naval. "There's no story," he says again. "I'm going."

He leaves the room.

* * *

He is leaving Sayda Island today. The Aerodactyl project and its follow-up studies are almost completely wrapped up, and Dora has elected to personally take the successfully-revived Pokémon into her own care. He has called home and is planning to stop briefly in Pallet Town for a visit.

Jared wants to meet his family, and Gary reluctantly agrees to bring him along. He's going to have to come out eventually.

In Pallet Town, his grandfather is waiting in the laboratory with Tracey and Delia. Everyone is happy to see him.

"Have you been eating well?" Delia asks him. "You look thin. You should have something to eat. You haven't been sick, have you?" She may as well be his own mother.

She notices Jared. "Who's your friend, Gary?"

"Ah." He clears his throat. "Mrs. Ketchum, this is Jared. Tracey, Grandpa, you remember him from Sayda Island, right?" Jared is patient as Gary gathers his courage.

"The truth is, he's my…"

The doorbell rings, cutting him off, and Gary is simultaneously annoyed and relieved.

"Excuse me for a moment." Professor Oak stands to answer it: a parcel has been delivered to the lab. The professor carries it into the living area.

"Ah… from Ash!"

Gary blinks. "Ash…?"

"He called just yesterday, in fact. There are foods sold only in Hoenn that I've always wanted to try, so I asked him to send me some." He laughs heartily. "It's too bad you weren't here for his call. He was asking me all kinds of questions about you. Wants to know if you really brought an Aerodactyl back to life."

Gary hesitates, wondering if he should change the subject.

"Is he…" He coughs. "Is he doing all right?" He refuses to look Jared in the eye.

"Wonderful," Delia replies, clasping her hands together. "Collecting new badges left and right."

"And he's started to become involved in Contests," Tracey supplies.

Gary is a little surprised. "Contests?"

She nods. "I think that little girl he travels with got him into it. What was her name? May? She's so sweet."

May? Gary hasn't met her. He wonders anxiously if she is Ash's girlfriend.

"Ah, but that was rude of us to interrupt," says Professor Oak, setting down the package. "You were saying something?"

"Oh." Gary's insides knot themselves. The mention of Ash has made him lose his nerve, but he doesn't want to let Jared down.

"Um, actually, it's important," he chokes out. "Jared and I are—"

"—going to the Sinnoh region," Jared inserts. "Gary is interested in becoming involved with Pokémon wildlife preservation around Mt. Coronet."

Professor Oak blinks. "Is this true, Gary?"

"Well… yes, but…"

"That's fantastic!" Tracey exclaims. Delia claps, delighted.

"That's our Gary. Once he hears that you're there, Ash is going to want to go too, no doubt."

Jared stands. "You all catch up," he says benignly. "I'm going out for some air."

* * *

He is chasing after Jared. He tries not to think of how badly he has missed these cool nights under Pallet Town's trees.

"Hey!"

Jared waits for him to catch up.

"What the hell was that?" Gary snaps. "This was _your_ idea. Why did you stop me?"

Jared turns to face him. He looks like he's smiling, but it's difficult to tell in the dark. Without warning, his hand plunges down the front of Gary's shirt.

"Wha…Jared!"

The hand emerges wrapped around the Poké Ball fragment. Jared twists the little piece between his fingers, studying it enigmatically.

"Who's Ash?" he asks suddenly. "Or did you think I'd forgotten that name?"

Gary snatches the necklace away, scowling. "What are you getting at?"

"Did he give you that?"

"No, he _didn't_," he seethes, stuffing it back into his shirt; it wasn't a _total _lie. "He's just a kid I grew up with, okay? What's gotten into you?"

A brief silence follows. At last, Jared's expression softens. "I'm sorry," he mumbles, wrapping an arm around Gary's shoulders. He hugs him briskly and plants a kiss in his hair. "You want to go back in? I'll be right there."

Gary watches him carefully, then turns back towards the lab.

"Gary?"

He stops.

"I love you."

Saying nothing, he goes back inside.

* * *

He is waiting as his grandfather calls Professor Rowan. Professor Oak claims that they are old friends, and that he can ask Professor Rowan to get Gary started in the Sinnoh region.

Clandestinely, Jared holds his hand.

"Yes, Gary would be thrilled to meet with you," his grandfather says into the phone. "He tells me he has plans to travel to Sinnoh soon. He's done some pretty incredible work on Sayda Island… yes, the Aerodactyl project, that was him."

Delia re-enters the room with something folded under her arms. "Gary?" She hands him the bundle, smiling warmly. "A gift," she says sweetly. "New clothes. For your trip to Sinnoh."

He unfolds a collared black shirt and holds it up to better see.

"Thank you, Mrs. Ketchum."

She urges him to try them on, and he complies. Once he's finished buttoning the shirt, Jared knocks on the door, asking to see. He lets him in.

"You're wearing a fanny pack," Jared snickers.

"Shut it." Gary takes a step back and spreads his arms. "Well?"

"You look great." Jared sets a hand on either side of Gary's waist, smiling. "Very purple."

Gary's attention wanders to the side as he wedges an index finger under one of the wristbands, adjusting it idly. His eyes find a mirror.

"What's on your mind?" Jared asks him. Gary twists a strand of his hair between his fingers.

"It's growing," he mumbles, absent. Jared reaches to pull on a lock for himself.

"Hey, you're right. You've got a little bit of a mullet going on back here."

Gary stares at his own face for a moment longer.

"I'm thinking of cutting it."

"Yeah?"

"Mm."

He wanders distractedly out of Jared's arms.

* * *

He is lying on his side in his old bed, listening to the sound of Jared's breathing behind him.

"Jared," he whispers. "Are you awake?"

"Mn… yeah."

He shifts himself, trying to get comfortable.

"Are you really going to come to Sinnoh with me?"

"'Course I am," Jared mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep.

Gary inhales deeply. "You don't have to do that," he says quietly. "What about _your_ life?"

He feels Jared lean in and kiss his neck.

"I want to stay with you."

Gary's eyes fall shut again. "Are you mad?"

"About what?"

"The Poké Ball. That I've kept it for so long."

A pause. "No. I'm not mad," Jared confesses at last. "But I wish you'd tell me the truth."

Gary does not respond. Jared's arm snakes around his waist, and a long silence follows.

"Do you love him?"

Gary fidgets. "What?"

"This Ash. I'm asking if you're in love with him."

Gary thinks hard about what he should say. At last, he rolls over and kisses Jared on the mouth.

* * *

He is marveling at the strange new world around him, having at last arrived in Sinnoh. A flock of Starly and Staravia are flying overhead. Jared urges him to put his head back inside the truck unless he wants to lose it. He grins over at his boyfriend, who is lighting up a cigarette.

"You know what? I think I'll catch one," he announces suddenly. "One of the Pokémon you can only find in this region, I mean."

Jared chuckles, knocking the ashes from his cigarette out the window on his own side. "You're in a good mood," he comments. "I thought you gave up the whole catching-and-training thing."

"I did," Gary affirms. "But what could it hurt? It's okay to catch new Pokémon every once in a while, right?" He is inexplicably excited, and he wonders if Ash feels this way all the time.

"I don't think I've ever seen this side of you," Jared laughs. "Can I have my irritable boyfriend back, please?"

Gary watches him for a moment, inexplicably annoyed by Jared's laid-back apathy. He retaliates by snatching a cigarette from the pack. Jared frowns.

"Since when do you smoke?"

"I don't," Gary smiles, blowing a puff of smoke out the window.

* * *

He is doing his best to ignore it: they have begun to fight. Little squabbles, over seemingly insignificant things, constantly spiraling out of control.

"An Electivire?" Jared is saying.

"Yeah. I caught it this morning. It's kind of exciting." He had forgotten the thrill of a spontaneous capture.

Jared thinks for a moment. "That's good," he says at last. "An Electric-type will be able to keep your equipment from losing battery power out in the woods, right?"

"I… guess so." Gary hadn't thought of that. It's unlike him to forget to be utilitarian.

Jared gives him a look. "How many Pokémon did you say you had?"

Gary blinks. "Uh… two or three hundred, I guess. But lots of repeat species… and that's when I was training. I released all but a few of them when I quit."

"I see…. You were one of those?" Jared asks him, grinning a little. Gary's brows knit.

"One of what?"

"Those hard-ass Trainers who catch everything they see, then weed out the weaklings and devote all the effort to the strong ones. You know, so you still have bragging rights to the numbers."

Gary huffs. "Don't make me sound like some kind of cold-blooded tyrant. My methods worked fine."

"And all your Pokémon were happy?"

Gary becomes a bit flustered. "Of course they were happy!" he snaps, defensive. "I've always taken good care of my Pokémon."

"Ah… that's good. For a second there, I was worried you were the sort to care about nothing but strength."

Gary can't shake the feeling that he's being deliberately picked at. "Well, strength is important too, you know," he mumbles, looking away. "What do you know about Pokémon training, anyway? You've never even tried it."

"Not much," Jared returns, "but I know a thing or two about Pokémon abuse."

_Abuse? _Gary feels his insides knot. Is Jared actually accusing him of having been an abusive Trainer?

"Look, you don't win Pokémon Battles by holding hands and singing kum-ba-yah all day," Gary seethes. "I was a damn good Trainer, and my Pokémon were strong _and_ happy. So quit being such a smartass."

"Who's being a smartass?" Jared shoots back. "Excuse me for disagreeing with your methods, but that's two hundred Pokémon in storage who probably felt like they weren't good enough to fight alongside you."

"Ugh!" Gary runs his hands through his hair in exasperation. "I released them all back into the wild anyway! What does any of this matter now?"

"You're right. It doesn't matter. Forget it. I obviously don't know anything about raising Pokémon."

"God! You're so immature."

"Well, _clearly_ you didn't care to establish any sort of connection with the vast majority the Pokémon you captured," Jared fights on. "Why does a person like that become a Trainer in the first place?"

"I played to _win_, that's why. Not that someone as easygoing as you would understand that kind of ambition."

Jared snorts. "Ambition that wastes the talents of two hundred Pokémon? You must have had someone you _really_ wanted to impress."

Gary feels his face burn. He thinks suddenly of a moment in Professor Oak's laboratory when his grandfather explained the fundamental differences between Ash's training methods and his own… how Ash captured only a handful of Pokémon, so few that he could devote individual care and attention to all of them, and allowed each and every one to reach its full potential. Professor Oak never said it aloud, had claimed that both ways had their merits, and Ash would probably never learn the truth, but Gary knew: his grandfather acknowledged Ash's way as superior. Looking back, it makes plenty of sense. Ash, after all, was the one who had his heart in it.

The memory has calmed him down. He huffs. "Fine," he says, "maybe I did it all wrong. Obviously, I _knew _I wasn't meant to be a Trainer, or I'd still be doing it now, don't you think?"

"So…?"

"So _what_?"

"Why'd you do it?" Jared asks. "Why become a Trainer in the first place?"

Gary doesn't answer, but Jared seems to have figured it out: the inadvertent clenching of his hand at the place in his shirt concealing the Poké Ball fragment has given him away.

* * *

He is casting his eyes across the overturned drawers throughout the dormitory. The closet is half-empty, and thick shards of broken pottery are yet to be picked up off the floor. Jared is standing in the doorway, his bag slung over his shoulder.

"I can't handle this. I'm leaving you."

* * *

He is awakened by the sound of a ringing phone. He lifts his head from the desktop and reaches blindly for the receiver.

"Mm…h'llo?"

"Gary?"

He rubs his eyes. "Grandpa…" he mumbles, reaching to flip the switch on the phone to activate the video, and Professor Oak's face appears on the screen.

"I'm sorry… did I wake you?"

"No… it's fine."

Oak frowns. "You look like hell. What's wrong?"

Gary sighs. "I got dumped," he mutters, then adds, "don't worry about it."

"Oh my… that sounds awful," the professor sympathizes. "Ah! I know! Why don't you come back home for a visit? I hear Ash will be in town again soon."

God. Of all the names to mention.

"Ash will…?"

"That's right. He's just wrapped things up in the Battle Pyramid, and he's going to make one last stop in Terracotta Town to see some friends off before coming home. I know he'd love to see you… and you know, that smile of his can cheer anyone up, don't you think?"

"I… I don't know. I'm pretty busy here…"

"Nonsense, boy, just look at yourself. You're in dire need of a vacation."

He heaves another sigh, then relents. They say their goodbyes and hang up just in time for Professor Rowan to let himself into Gary's dormitory.

"Professor…" he mumbles. The professor clears his throat.

"Jared emailed me his resignation yesterday. I… see he's already moved out."

Gary squirms. "Yes sir."

"Hm. It's certainly going to be quiet around here without you two yelling at each other all the time."

Gary sinks down, wondering if that was supposed to be a funny joke. Jared used to be so laid-back, and Gary was once so good at keeping a cool head. What happened?

Rowan sighs. "Well, the project will deal with one less, I suppose. If fate would have it that I only get to keep one of you, I'm grateful that it's you. The boy was a slacker, and you're brilliant."

Gary smiles a little, thinking that it would be unlike Professor Rowan to say such a thing just to make him feel better.

"Thank you, sir."

An uncomfortable silence lingers until Rowan speaks again.

"…Are you all right, son?"

"Yes sir… but if you don't mind, I think I might take some time off. Grandpa just asked me to come back home for a few days."

Professor Rowan nods. "Of course. Please take my regards to Samuel."

* * *

He is knocking on the door of the Oak lab. His grandfather answers it, smiling sadly.

"It's good to see you, Gary."

He steps inside and hangs his lab coat on his old hook. The whole place smells the same. A strange silence persists as the professor's gaze darts around the room, as though he can't find the words. It's unlike him to look so lost.

"How are you?" he asks at last, awkwardly. Gary is sorry to see someone so dignified reduced to this.

"It's okay, Grandpa," he says with a forceful certainty. "I'm okay."

Oak sighs and looks somewhat relieved.

"I suppose so. Sometimes, I forget how grown-up you are… but it's only natural for me to worry, right?"

Gary smiles.

"Thanks, Gramps."

He looks once around the room, taking in familiar sights, then asks, "Ash isn't back yet, is he?"

The professor shakes his head. "No, not yet. I imagine he'll be another day or so. Oh, but I spoke to Delia… we were thinking of surprising him. What do you think?"

"I think it's a great idea," he replies, putting on his cheeriest face. Oak isn't fooled; he frowns.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm perfectly fine, I promise. It's just…"

Oak listens.

"If you don't mind," he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck, "when he gets here, please don't mention anything about it to Ash."

His grandfather nods. "Of course. I understand." He lifts a book from the coffee table and begins to thumb through it.

"Speaking of Ash," he continues, removing something from the pages, "I wanted to show you something." He hands Gary a postcard, decorated on one side with a beautiful photo of Lake Verity.

"You remember this, right?"

Gary's eyes darken. Of course he remembers the postcard. Before it left, Jared found it in the mailbox, reeking of alcohol.

"_Didn't his mother say he'd follow you when he learns you're in Sinnoh? Are you trying to lure him here or something?"_

"_You're so paranoid! Can't I send an encouraging letter to an old friend?"_

"_I wasn't born yesterday, Gary! I'm not stupid! You love him, I know you do!"_

"_Jared, stop! You're being ridiculous!"_

_The vase flies at the wall, narrowly missing Gary's head, and shatters._

"_Shut up! He doesn't give a shit about you, you know."_

"_Jared!"_

"_Why was I never good enough? _I'm_ the one who stayed beside you! _I'm_ the one who loves you!"_

Gary squeezes his eyes shut, trying to expel the memory.

"_I can't handle this. I'm leaving you."_

"Gary?"

He inhales slowly and clears his mind.

"I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"I just wanted to let you know how grateful he was. You really helped him get his mojo back."

"Yeah…"

Another silence lingers until Gary announces that he wants to take a bath and begins to leave. Oak's voice stops him in the doorway.

"It was that Jared boy, wasn't it?"

He feels his blood freeze. Then, suddenly, he understands.

"You knew all along…"

A large arm snakes around and envelops him from behind.

"Of course I did. Who do you think I am?"

Gary struggles, but can't escape the embrace. "Grandpa, stop it. I'm not a little kid anymore."

"Believe me, Gary," Oak says calmly, his grip unrelenting, "I know that."

It's all he can handle. He feels like a fool, hugging his grandpa and bawling his eyes out, but there's nothing he can do.

As if he'd ever let anyone else see him cry.

* * *

He is thinking of drowning himself. He quickly dismisses the notion as stupid and slowly lowers himself into the bath, soaking in its warmth. He can feel the puffiness around his eyes, still pink from the tears. Now that he's calm, it's easier to think.

It wasn't that he loved Jared. That wasn't it at all.

He just didn't want to be alone.

He sinks down, submerging his neck and shoulders, and the red half of a Poké Ball floats to the surface of the water, buoyed by its hollow. He shuts his eyes.

"Pathetic."

* * *

He is able to hear their voices, even as he walks away.

"I know what I'm gonna do!" Ash's voice rings out from the place he left behind. "I'm going to Sinnoh!"

Inwardly, he smiles. The last thing he hears is his grandfather's remark:

"I knew it. Just as night follows day."

Perhaps, he decides, everything will be all right.


End file.
